Ruki doesn't like travelling. To be specific, he doesn't like trains. Travelling on his own is worst of all, but whether it be on busy trains where the carriage is packed or an almost empty one, it doesn't make a difference. It's almost always silent on trains aside from the odd mumble, due to it being Japanese custom- but it's the silence that gets to him.
It makes him feel lonely.
Ruki likes to talk. He likes company. He likes to blabber about clothes and complain about bad food and lack of sleep. He likes to listen to others, to watch their expressions as they tell a story, likes to watch as their hands move in odd, dramatic motions that hardly correlate with what they're saying. He likes to break awkward silences with "So..."s and humming until he's reminded of something that spills out of his mouth and things pick up pace again.
He doesn't like the metal that adorns his ear suddenly turns to stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd of middle-aged businessmen and other, formally-dressed commuters. He doesn't like that the red streaks that flow through his dark hair seem to attract more odd looks than necessary. He doesn't like being looked at with glowering, disapproving eyes, as if he's a bad child.
All he can do is fill the silence with music that only enters his ears. It's on shuffle and already, three seconds in, he can recognise the song. Already, he's singing the words in his mind, the outside world dulling until he's dragged in to the thoughts each note creates. The man to his left reading a newspaper disappears and eventually everyone else does too; the sound of the carriage's irritating rocking and shaking noise soon doesn't exist either. These things in the carriage aren't relevant to his life. It's just him, in his head. His dangerous, broken head.
In truth, every song that passes through into his brain just links back to
him. Skipping this song, skipping the next, skip, skip, skip. It's all the same. It all leads to the same conclusion. It's not just company he misses. He misses being able to look out of the train windows and watch the world fly by him, uncaring of the people around him, only focusing on who he's about to see. He used to make up memories of the future before they'd even occurred whilst on the train, a smile across his face with his headphones plugged into his ears, the same songs playing. He loved to see the second when
his whole face would light up into a smile, watching him as he climbed down the stairs in the train station, running up to him and flinging his arms around the taller man's body in a tight embrace.
He misses all the things that don't happen any more. He misses those small, short memories of twenty minute rides on the train with him just because he didn't want to say goodbye to him when leaving his house. He wanted their time together to be extended, he wanted to see him for those few seconds longer. He wanted to feel his heart beating so fast in his chest in those moments before the train slowed to a stop, hearing an "I love you." whispered against his ear before stepping through the doors and finally waving goodbye.
Funny things, trains. Funny how it's something Ruki used to look forward to being on, even if there were times he'd wished the journey would be shorter. Funny how he hates them now, because it reminds him of too much and leaves him left with nothing but the same old music ringing in his ears, both aiding him and breaking him with things of the past that used to only improve him.
Ruki hates the silence that's in his head and everywhere around him.
He blinks, staring blankly at the doors after the train slows to another stop. He's feeling too far from home right now. The doors slide open with a beep and he can see part of the platform on the other side, wishing he was the one climbing off the train right now. A new pair of feet show themselves as someone else steps up inside the train, stained with fading mud and clearly once white. The music's still in his ears when he looks up and turns to his side, watching as the new passenger seats themselves beside him.
Everything in his brain is ringing loudly over the music when Ruki's eyes widen to see the man now sat beside him.
He whispers. "Reita."
Reita turns to him with a wide smile, his face lit up just as Ruki had remembered. In seconds their arms are around each other, the music from Ruki's headphones fading to silence- the last song. The silence is overwhelming for both of them in the moment- the reunion- the silence that was once bitter and cold now something of warmth and happiness.
Ruki doesn't hate trains so much any more.
